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2018

A Pacifist’s Guide to being a good friend to someone who has cancer

4. Post-surgery food: ask the person what they want to eat before you come. When I’m well I can eat all the chocolate in the world but after surgery all I wanted was melon. So just ask.

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A Pacifist’s Guide to being a good friend to someone who has cancer

5. I personally like to go to all my appointments alone, it’s just easier for me, but it’s always nice to have the offer of a companion and to feel like you have that option if you want it. But you should never be forced to take people along. Friends keeping track of appointments means a lot to the person who is ill and a text in the morning to say good luck, or a phone call later on to see how it went, is always appreciated.

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A Pacifist’s Guide to being a good friend to someone who has cancer

6. People on chemo often feel very sick. When visiting please don’t douse yourself in perfume. Or bring smelly food or candles, unless on request. It could be the most delicious fragrance in the world to you but strong smells of nearly any kind turned my stomach.

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A Pacifist’s Guide to being a good friend to someone who has cancer

7. Please just stay present and there. Don’t disappear. Don’t be scared of saying the wrong thing. It’s so much better to be a friend and be accidentally insensitive than just to not be there at all.

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